Angry Rant #38: I'll Carbon your tax.

Have you seen it? 

You know, the Ad with Cate Blanchett advertisting the benefits of the Carbon Tax that our douche bag illustrious leader, Julia Gillard is trying to put through? You know the one where they don't really have any idea of how to implement it, or the effects that it will have on the population? You know the one where the the wealthier people in our society get off fairly easily, but the hard-working Australian's will get slugged with the bill because the Government just can't stop fucking up? You know the one right?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... Dr Zaius?

Nooooo! You know the one!

It's the Ad that talks about taxing large companies and the Federal Labor Government will use it's "higher revenue streams" as a way of "selling" this Tax to the people to minimize carbon emissions! Yes, they are selling this. This is what advertising is for. Private companies couldn't care less about this Carbon Tax and it will force these companies to put up their prices - that's any company that in some way, shape or form, releases Carbon Dioxide into the atmosphere - They will raise their prices on everything....

So all of them? 

on 24.

 Here's the ad under my spotlight:

Besides the dark ominous clouds, and black smoke pouring out from the coal-fired plant in the background, much like Eyjafjallajokull did a couple of years ago and Grimsvton last week - everything that is said in the Ad is very much politically-driven spin, used as a means to make more money and pay for the $300,000 super that the next 3 idiot Prime Ministers will have.

From the Ad, I have concluded that these are the points that they're trying to make:

1. CO2 is a black, smoky gas (not a clear one that science has proven) and that a decrease in the level of CO2 will make the skies clearer and make birds sing more. 
2. It will have health benefits for our already fat, sugar-junkie children.
3. People are the main causes of Carbon pollution, even though 97% of the WORLD'S carbon emissions are from nature.
4. Wind and Solar options for electricity are a good option, but are only available to people like Cate Blanchett and rich oil tycoons from Saudi Arabia with golden Cadillac's that fire Anti-Democracy missiles.
5. Giving the government more money to fix a problem that they had, if endorsed by celebrities, it's totally fine - which leads onto the next point...
6. If a celebrity says it, it must be true and...
7. If you're a celebrity and you have a private jet, it's ok to fly around the world, polluting the atmosphere, telling everyone just how green your thumb is and openly criticize the very thing that got you there.

To be honest, I was quite surprised that they didn't use Al Pacino or George Clooney or some other sell-out for this awful campaign. But Cate Blanchett? Michael Caton? Some weirdly-placed old person? Here's what I think you, our beloved leaders of spin and what our drop-in-and-out Australian celebrities should do, instead of making it sound "cool" to pay a tax - pay attention now...

GO AND FUCK YOURSELVES.

Seriously. Might move to Sweden, where, surprisingly, the sun shines because the skies there are not black and carbon-riddled or look like that scene from the Matrix.


Don't Believe the Lies and Spin. 

Angry Rant #37: "I'm being Super-cereal!"

I can't believe this.

Writing twice in the one week about the same topic. I must seriously be pissed off with this guy.

That's right Harold! - It takes one idiot with an Archaic, misogynistic
book to scare a whole population of people who believe in the horseshit that
 it bangs on about! Clever Clever!

For those living under a rock, Harold Camping predicted the end of the world in 1994 and was wrong. Last week he was wrong and today has come out saying that his calculations were off by 5 months and we'll all be dying in October.

Freedom of Speech is not a system without it's flaws - that's proven with idiots like this, Lars Von Trier and anything said or done by J.J. Abrams. Sure, people can say whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want, but why is this making the news? If these hardcore Christian fundamentalists want to die so fucking badly, let them. Let them huddle together in a little circle sometime in October, praying to be "taken to heaven" - But you know what?

We're not dying any time soon and, unfortunately, they aren't either.

So crazy Christians who believe in this crap - perhaps ritual suicide will bring you closer to God where you can enjoy your heaven and everything you want. Stop releasing press statements to and arguably, more stupid Media industry, who is acting just as mindlessly as some idiot watching back-to-back episodes about that tv show that discusses Shores being in Jersey.

Here's a list of some other idiots and their predictions (courtesy of news.com.au). Just proves how stupid people really are:

FIVE OTHER END-OF-WORLD PREDICTIONS:

1. Followers of William Miller believed the world would end on October 22, 1844 

2.The Jehovah's Witness religion has predicted the end of the world in 1914, 1915, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975 and 1994. 

3. Charles Wesley, founder of the Methodist Church, predicted the world would end in 1794. 

4. Famous forecaster Nostradamus predicted doomsday would happen in July 1999. 

5. English mystic Joanna Southcott predicted the world would end on October 19, 1814, when she gave birth to the Messiah.

 Read more here

I hereby vow to never again talk about Harold Camping (unless he - of course - dies).

Here's a video from the seventies I've attached for your amusement.

Don't believe the lies and spin.

JM

Angry Rant #36: "Who is your Daddy and what does he do?"

Ranting..... GO!

Arnie is doing what any animal in the wild would do - screw as many members of the opposite sex as possible and spread his Arnie genetics like butter. In fact, if Arnie was say...a lion in the wild, or the polar bear from Lost or perhaps even this:

What a handfull that would be...

...then he is just doing what nature intended. It's natural selection. Only the strongest survive and multiply - or the ones on the most steroids...or ones the screwing the most mexican women in an effort to keep his bloodline strong.

Some of you may think Arnie was a family man, you know, someone who loved his wife, Maria Shriver, very much - but here's a few points I've put together:

1. Maria is related to the Kennedy family. 
2. Arnie becomes Governor of California 
3. Arnie's term ends
4. Arnie's marriage terminates (pun intended baby)

Cynical? Perhaps. But if you're a women marrying Arnold "The fucking Terminator" Schwarzenegger, expect some children in the back catalogue and mysterious amounts of money disappearing from the bank account going to "charity".


She either wanted to be one if those women, is stupid, or maybe was trying to get some lucrative TV deal where she gets to host her own show funded by Oprah because she feels sorry for her position -

"Here! Have a car! Just buy all of my products afterwards or I'll take it back!"

Good luck Arnie and Maria, "May you be fruitful and multiply" - Genesis 1:28.

Don't believe the lies and spin.

JM

Angry Rant #35: This is the End of the World... again? Fucking really?

The world will end in 6 billion years when our beloved Star which gave this planet life will burn up all of it's Hydrogen and Helium then rapidly expand because it will begin burning Iron, engulfing our little blue and green marble and heating the very atoms that make up our being into total oblivion, before sinking back in on itself to produce a white dwarf. Every last bit of evidence that proves that we existed will be wiped from the arse of the galaxy that is the Milky Way -  Billions of years of evolution gone in the blink of eye - but this won't happen until then and not May 20.

Take that you extremist bible-loving morons!

Although a Zombie apocalypse would be kind of cool (loads shotgun)

If someone is basing their version of the end of the world on a 2000-year-old book, then they have some serious problems. Then if you base your prediction on something that was scribbled into a rock, you have an even greater problem -You literally have to be twisted  if you think that the world will end on May 20. Have the doomsday idiots taken into account that there always TWO days on earth at the one time? Will we all die today and then tomorrow our flip-side will?

Numbers are funny little things - when they work their way deep into the minds of people and their extremist ideas, they can make them think all kinds of things. Take Harold Camping for example. He's a Christian Radio Broadcaster from California who uses the bible to predict dates (yes plural) that the end of the world could occur on. I have detailed something similar to what he does below:

5+6 = 9; 9 + 24 = 33; 33/3 = 11; 11-6 = 5; 5 x 4 = 20 + (his favourite month, May)

Therefore: On May 20, something CATASTROPHIC will happen. Stupid God-loving idiots. If you would like to read Harold's actual method of madness, click here.

Maybe it's the end of the world......for him.

Predicting the dates is a very neutral thing - so why do these people always put a negative spin on the outcome of something that they know nothing about? Why can't something good happen tomorrow like finding a cure for cancer, or AIDS or coming up with some unlimited source of energy which has zero impact on the environment? Maybe instead of flying guided-missiles at each other, we starting shooting food and hungry people in Ethiopia.Why are all those God-bothering idiots so negative and stupid?

You step back and you realize that religion, in it's simplest form, is the problem. It's the reason why people go to war and kill each other. Then of course the constant crusading to the Middle-East to help "unite" the people by killing innocents and stealing their natural resources, then selling barrels of the black gold at some high price, so that some soccer-mum in the US will have something to complain about while she fills up her SUV.

"Hey there! Want to know how many innocent people
died so I can fill this baby? Call 555-418..."

After all this crap finishes, we have to deal, yet again, with the Mayan's End of the World prediction. Why are some people so focused on the destruction of humanity? Live everyday of your life like it's your last and avoid people who want you dead, or talk about you dying, like the fucking plague.

Don't believe the lies and spin.
JM

Angry Rant #34: A Bridge not far enough!

Yes, the Harbour Bridge gets closed off and everyone is angry because some guy is protesting about not being able to see his children – If every other parent in the same position did the same thing, that bridge would never be open. However, I do think he was protesting for good cause. 

But here’s a question – how can one man shut down a city? How - not why - but how?

Then when you step back and look at the state of the transport system, so roads and rail, and try and think of a reasonable explanation, you think for a little bit…you keep thinking…and then it hits you. You can sum up travelling to Sydney to anyone not from Sydney by using the following picture:

So now our newly appointed premier, Barry O’Farrell, is looking into the issue of how someone climbed to the top of the Harbour Bridge – it’s almost mind boggling to think how a person could get up there with so much security!....

Fat Man with Camera: Look at those protestors
 on the Opera House... that's SO Greenpeace. 

I've have walked along this bridge a few times - on the entire stretch of the Harbour Bridge, I saw three security guards. Three of them - and somehow Barry O'Farrell is surprised that someone got to the top by simply climbing it. 

Yes I know, he was driving on the Bridge itself before climbing it, but then what's the point of having security guards on the walk way if people can just stop their cars and climb the damn thing whenever they feel like? Then for that one man to shut down an entire city by simply climbing one bridge proves how fucked up the planning was of this city. 

Could you imagine if there was a terrorist attack in Sydney? I have thought about this for a few minutes, keeping in mind what one man can do, and then found a aerial picture to illustrate what I think would happen if a bomb went off somewhere in Sydney.

Or at the least, a late train. 

If there was a terrorist attack, I'd be waiting 3 hours to get my bread and milk from the IGA in Broken Hill. I'd be waiting in line for 2 hours at a Liquor Land for my rum somewhere in the church and bank-riddled Adelaide. I'd be waiting another hour for my flight in Perth....

You get the idea.

Australia would be so unprepared for any terrorist attack that it's laughable when the people running this country talk about updating security. Luckily, nobody else on this planet knows where Australia is, or cares what we think. Hooray for our non-existent country! 

Don't believe the lies and spin.

JM

Angry Rant #33: 10 out of 10 for that Swan dive!

So, the news story of the day? Wayne Swan's tiny little baby surplus and getting more people to work will cover Labor's political fuck-up of introducing a bunch of new taxes that the government has no idea how they're going to work or any way of actually implementing them because they've pissed all of our money up against a wall - and now they want us to pay for their mistakes.

(Overly-sarcastic Bill Hicks laugh here)

*Picture from file. 

The big spin here is that he is motivating more people to work and getting people to think "more positively" about life, taking careful note that it is very well placed spin used as a way of getting people who work, angry about the people on welfare, taking their attention away from the new taxes - like that crazy magician you watched one time and your head hurt trying to think of how he did it.

...How fucking awesome is that guy?

BUT ANYWAY!

Just like regular spin, Swany, Julia and their army of liars will be looking at a surplus from this little venture of....wait for it.... $3.5 billion or 0.2% of the whole entire countries output in a year OR a drop in ocean compared to the $22.6 billion deficit we had last year. That's right. DEFECIT! Expect to be seeing more "cuts" in the near future - Labor wants to get back into power at the end of 2013 and the easiest way for them to do that is cut funding - so when the next election comes around and they magically have the economy going
"strong", it's not because they know what they're doing, they just haven't spent ANY BLOODY MONEY - they don't care about Australia - just their own, ignorant, salary-driven views and getting back into power.

But is the alternative is any better? (Do I really need to answer that?)

SIDE NOTE: How can this be a democracy if there are only to sides of Parliament to vote for? And no, The Shooter's party doesn't count because any person or group of people who think that introducing "guns" as a topic in schools is clearly mentally unstable.

So if there is no money being generated, and welfare people have continued to avoid working all this time and will probably continue to do so, and there has been nothing coming from the government as to how all this will actually work, then why the fuck are they in power?

What about people who pay an arm and leg for Uni? People on disability pensions? Here's an idea an you dumbshits - How about cuts to the pay-out that the politicians get after they leave politics? How about instead of receiving $300,000+ per-year pension for doing nothing and forcing people to work at the minimum wage to pay for that pension? In fact, why should anyone pay for that pension? They should pump that money straight back into the surplus and fix the hospital system instead of spending millions on implementing some heavily censored broadband network that WILL JUST NEVER HAPPEN.

UPDATE: Today, (May 12, 2011) Wayne Swan on ABC radio this morning could not specify the last time surplus was achieved by Labor. Immediately afterwards, he broke a glass full of water, in an effort to do the same thing that the magician did in above, but also proving just how much of a fucking idiot he is.

"Oh shit, I'm screwed."

Fuck me, this government is stupid.

Viva la revolution.

Don't believe the lies and spin.

JM

Angry Rant #32: Unfortunately, when they said "hacked", it wasn't with a Machete.

"The Playstation network is still down and someone has bought the Nazca lines monkey on Amazon with my credit card" - that's what I've been hearing from people of late in regards to the royal fuck-up from Sony and of course the bastard hackers themselves *cough* Anonymous has taken this way overboard in their statement-making hack.... *cough*.

However, this is not just Sony's fault for not putting up the proper anti-hacking walls, but people who stupidly gave away their information - I for one, was not one of those people - I like 20 million other people reside in the sharehouse that is 123 Fake st, Fakeville, Somewhere.

Because really...is there anywhere else cooler?

Too often, I see people throwing their details around on the interwebs like some form of cheap currency, but really all they're doing is opening the doors to a world of spam, spammers, marketing for Spam, hackers, identity theft and mysterious people who hack things to prove that it can be hacked. People just seem to be way too trustworthy when it comes to actually giving things like their address away. But seriously...why give Sony that information? If everything is going the way of 'digital distribution', why do they need to have your home address? - If those details are now in the hands of a hacker, then it's your own stupid fault. Secondly, saving your credit card details? Really? Here's a tip - remember the number and type it in every time - and not save it in the system.


When it comes to the emails, its even simpler - make an email account up for it. Yes, even "sexybeast69@hotmail.com" will do.

It's seriously this easy.

All these people bitching and complaining because a free service screwed them over and stole all their real information can only really blame themselves for putting it out there. It's like blaming the gun shop dealer after you shot yourself in the foot.

"What'll it be? Right or Left?"

Of course I'm not defending Sony either. They really just need to get their fucking act together and make sure that this shit doesn't happen again. You invest time and money into this company so you expect the proper service.

And to the hackers - get back on World Of Warcraft and jump back into your fantasy world and stop fucking around with real one. I hear that you enjoy frozen pizza rolls because they help with preventing RSI of the wrists.

Damn porn-addicted son of a bitch.

You can't forget social media websites as well - these are like goldmines for telemarketers and the business industry in general. Remember that "Osama was killed is Abbotabad - talk about abbotabad place to hide!" page that you foolishly clicked on Facebook 5mins ago? It's guaranteed that was created by some company trying to get YOUR personal contact details and find out everything about you. So when you get a phone call from some telemarketing company in India, it's not because they've scanned through the White Pages - you've given them your data. Even LinkedIn can be used as a tool for this - people will put their job title, where they've worked and what they've studied all over the internet - but when something as bad a identity theft occurs, they think "how can that happen to me?". Well it's pretty fucking simple - it's your own fault. 

After all this commotion dies down, you should all come and stay at 123 Fake Street. Bring your sleeping bag and a toothbrush and I'm sure I can find some room for you between the Ace Ventura Pinball machine and the giant cardboard cut-out of Chewbacca.

Don't believe the lies and spin.

JM

Angry Rant #31: America? Fuck yeah!

Yes, after hearing about it so much today, I felt the need to get my rant on but in a more "filter out all the crap and get down into the real gritty side of things" kind of way. Like millions of other people today, I decided to take an extra long lunch to watch President Obama's "in your fucking face anti-war hippies" speech. I felt a little worried knowing that the US can just send in a special forces team and kill anyone, but I mean its Bin Laden right? We got him!?! Right??

Fuck Yeah!

If the reports are correct and nobody is pulling our dicks, then Bin Laden is very much dead, perhaps he even ended up looking like Hitler in Inglorious Basterds after he took a face-full of bullets.

But I got thinking, even though he was an islamic-extremist, psychotic nut-job, he wasn't prepared to die for his cause - why do you think he's been running and hiding all this time and vlogging when he can get the chance? The ones that US should be targeting are the ones who aren't afraid to die....

...and then we get the news that a 12-year-old boy in Afghanistan (click for story) blew himself up today, killing four people and wounding 12. If there was ever a person to be afraid it would have to be someone who is willing to kill themselves and everyone around them just to make some point. Bin Laden was nothing more than a coward who brainwashed people into killing themselves for some "just cause" based on....wait for it...

So with Bin Laden dead and all of America cheering because they finally received justice, I'll ask this one question - If 500 terrorists escaped from a prison in Southern Afghanistan last week and one extremist terrorist was killed this week, how many terrorists do you have left?

Seriously - 500 of them escaped. It actually made me laugh. Click here to read the story...

If Bin Laden was really killed by US troops how is being told to "be vigilant", in case of retaliation, actually winning? It's like shooting the Sheriff and partying, but a little voice in your head tells you to watch out for the Deputy.

"That was one very interesting analogy Angry Ranter."  

Well, I guess one dead Bin Laden is better than one alive one, but there's still a whole network of terrorists there who are just as influential - think of it like Steve Jobs and Apple. Sure he's the face of Apple, but the mastermind behind it all? Is he the one programming your Iphone or other apple related products? No. There's a whole team of people there doing all that for him. If Steve Jobs died today, I can guarantee you that the Iphone 36 will be released, as planned, next year.

But unfortunately there is one problem - there are no pictures/video footage of Bin Laden or of his "out to sea" burial, so is Obama just trying to get re-elected as The President after the "you weren't born here" assertion by Donald Trump or has he just had enough of the fighting and wanted a relevant excuse to leave? If so, then why does this guy, who tweeted the whole event, saying otherwise?

Sohaib Athar - check out his tweets here.

He's an IT consultant who happened to be around at the time when the Helicopters landed in Abbottobad and he tweeted that one of the helicopters was shot down - a far cry from Obama's "no Americans were hurt in the operation" spiel - and now he has 20,000 plus followers. 

Something smells fishy.

That's right little dude.

Let us wait until this plays out a little more. Everything is still a little bit hazy.

Don't believe the lies and spin. 

JM